Veux
by Llyn
Summary: An eighteen year old Takuya thinks of Kouji while he's in the shower. There's nothing like fluff and sex. Nothing. Takouji. Now COMPLETE!
1. Veux

Summary: Takuya thinks of Kouji while he's in the shower. There's nothing like fluff and sex. Nothing. Takouji.   
  
A/N: Hey darlings. I just whipped this up late yesterday night in celebration of a snow day. My first Digimon Frontier fic. Kouji's outfit is a bit Carson Kressley, but that can't be helped. Short and hot; this is probably not a fic you'd bring home to meet your parents. I'm toying with the idea of a sequel from Kouji's pov. Hope you enjoy.   
  
Disclaimer: Digimon is the property of Toei and Fox.  
  
Warnings: I'm not too familiar with the citrus-system, but I think we've got a lime on our hands. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.   
  
** ** **  
  
Veux   
  
An army of spiders controls my bathroom. They aren't goofy or spindly legged, and they don't build webs. No, these spiders are like the S.S. men of the animal kingdom: beefy, slow, and ugly. A normal kid would stay the hell away from a bathroom where those little monsters crawled around, even if it meant peeing into empty Evian bottles. But me? I'd spend days in there if I could.   
  
The bathroom--more specifically, the grainy old shower--is the only place in the universe where I'm free indulge in fantasies of Kouji without the bloodshed that accompanied actually trying anything with him. This room is my paradise, despite the pest problem. One of those spiders could be sucking out my blood right now and I wouldn't notice. I'm too full with memories of him. His willowy body and brooding face are stamped onto the back of my eyelids with scorching ink. I'd never forget that face. Godzilla wouldn't stand a chance against those big blue eyes.  
  
I fell hard for him in the Digital World. No surprise he didn't notice--he had a ton on his mind. So I played the supporting role: always beside him as his best friend, confidant, partner in battle. In an attempt to control my schoolkid crush, I convinced myself that I could find a trillion guys and girls more attractive back on Earth. Kouji's gorgeousness wouldn't be as powerful when I could distract myself with the countless thousands of beautiful people in Tokyo, right?  
  
Imagine my horror when I returned home and found that absolutely no one measured up to Kouji. Duh. In my twelve-year-old desperation, I'd lost track of why I wanted him. In truth, his foxiness is just a bonus. I want him for what he means to me. For all that we've been through. For all the times I almost died saving him, and all the times he almost died saving me. For all our arguments that ended with the same quiet apology, all the nights he slept with his head against my chest, pressing close to me to keep warm, all the grumpy mornings he spent silently daring me to just try and tell another soul that we'd cuddled (he hates that word, but it's the truth) the night before.   
  
I pictured him in my mind: angry, cold, and beautiful like always, just the way I want him. Under the fall of the shower, my right hand closes around my penis. Cortez wanted glory and gold with the same strength that I want Kouji. I'm out to conquer, make him mine completely. I want with more passion than most people, the need burning inside me like a fever, which explains my flame spirit. Kouji's at the heart of the fire, the fever dream that drives me delirious. Like Zephyrmon, he's overwhelming and unearthly, a creature not meant to roam around in the human world.   
  
Despite that, Kouji does a lot of roaming. Kouji likes boys, and boys love Kouji. He grew out of his preteen discomfort and is more than happy to be touched…so long as I'm not the one touching him. We're still best friends, but he's drawn an icy line to make sure we never went farther. Other than the Digital World nights, the closest I've come to him was the day I showed up at unannounced at his apartment just as he was halfway out the door on his way to a date. He looked so good I felt sick. I stared. I barely comprehended our conversation. I was too busy wishing for more eyes.   
  
"Damn," I said (I couldn't help it!) as he closed the apartment door behind him. We stood in the hallway, not knowing what to do.  
  
"Hey." Uncomfortable under my gaze, he selfconsciously fingered his brown suede choker.   
  
I drank in the effect of his body in a tight shirt. He'd ditched his bandana, and his hair was tied back low at the base of his neck. "Hot date?"  
  
"Yeah. Sorry we can't hang out," he said, guessing the reason I'd been at his door. We left the building together.  
  
"So where're you and your boyfriend off to?" I asked him. We discovered we were going the same direction, and walked along the sidewalk at a lazy pace. The night was soggy and hot for springtime. Sleepy insects whispered to each other across the silent road as we passed.   
  
"His house."  
  
'Jealous as all hell' didn't even begin to describe how that little tidbit made me feel. Trying to get under his skin, I played innocent, "What're you gonna do-"  
  
"Takuya," he warned, seeing right through me.  
  
  
  
"You look incredible."   
  
Kouji didn't answer, but his face told me all I needed to know. He kept his eyes on the path ahead, pissed that I would cross the line that kept us apart. I could hear the wheels turning in his head as he tried to think of a way to back me off without being an asshole.  
  
I didn't give him the chance.   
  
"Why aren't we a couple?"  
  
"Because you've never asked me out."  
  
I knew the answer was far from that simple, still "Fine, then. Do you want to go out?"   
  
"No," came the immediate answer. I couldn't believe he'd baited me like that, just for fun. What balls! I resisted the urge to hit him. "I've got a boyfriend," he explained.   
  
"But what if you weren't dating him?"  
  
"I'd probably be dating someone else."   
  
I whined shamelessly, "But why not me?"   
  
That dirty sadist was trying his best not to smile, "'Cause you've never asked me out."  
  
"You just want to make me crazy." He nodded in uninterested agreement and reached up to brush rebel strands of black hair back from his face. I caught his hand and twined my fingers with his.   
  
Kouji sighed, exasperated, "Do you ever listen?"  
  
"No."   
  
"You really think you want to be just another one of the guys I date? I'm closer to you as my friend than I am to any of them."  
  
"Yeah, but they get to make out with you," I reasoned. He pulled his hand away from mine. I don't think he was offended, but my comment sent him off into his own world. We hardly talked during the rest of our walk. Pitiful, disappointing, and vaguely embarrassing that night was the closest we'd ever come to…well, anything.  
  
I want all of him: his smile (however rare), his soul, his body, his virginity (however ridiculously longgone), his heart, mind, life, breath. In reality, all I can do is want. In my dreams, though, he's all mine.   
  
I don't want; I have.   
  
As long as I'm dreaming, he's with me now. With spiders watching curiously from all corners, we tangle together in the shower. He's warm, hot. The bathroom reeks of the blueberry shampoo he uses on his hair (as if Kouji would ever let a mortal see him with his hair down). Kissing him is a messy event with the water finding our lips together, running into our mouths.   
  
Kissing Kouji would be frightening, wonderful, hotter than words can describe. To experience the pair of us caught in an identical state of wanting more and more, hesitantly testing for permission to go further. I've never kissed anyone in the ways I want to kiss Kouji.   
  
Of course, nothing's ever going to happen. He's too unmistakably perfect for me to have, too experienced for me to please, too independent for me to keep to myself. He'd be disappointed, meanwhile I'd be imploding with pleasure. That's a dangerous combination for both of us. So for now--forever--jerking off in the shower, captured in fantasies of trapping his wet body against the tiles, will serve.  
  
But, shit, to hear him scream for me and cling so close like he can't survive without me inside of him…that would make me a truly happy kid. I'd be complete. Funny how I used to be a meat-n'-potatoes kind of guy, and now I spend my free time scripting steaming fantasies about nailing my best friend. Naturally, I blame him.  
  
  
  
I wonder what Kouji dreams about. Of all the boys that have come and gone, which ones still tempt him to remember their night(s) together. What, exactly, does Kouji reminisce about? Personalities? Looks? Skill? Does he remember everything exactly how it happened with clinical accuracy? Or does he care enough to reflect?  
  
Has he ever let himself slip and considered sex with me?   
  
Now, that'd be hot.  
  
I hope he gives himself nosebleeds imagining all the things I want to do to him. He's never needed someone the way I need him right now. That much is obvious. My come runs swiftly down the drain. I collapse against the wall, sending a few spiders running in panic. I can't escape Kouji. He haunts me everywhere: the most beautiful and scary person I've known. Tempting, untouchable, inviting, distant. Kouji would have me wrapped around his finger with one goddamned kiss.  
  
** ** ** 


	2. Veux 2

Summary: Kouji and Takuya have a run-in that may change the course of things. Sequel to "Veux." Takouji.

A/N: Hey kids, I'm back again. Happy Christmahannahkwanzakah. This is the sequel to "Veux," as promised, What horrible titles, eh? I'm traditionally bad at titles. Hit me with some suggestions. from Kouji's pov. This one's a bit hotter…okay, a lot hotter. And the story is obviously not done yet. Who wants to bet I'll finish the next part before the end of Christmas break? Not me.Thanks for reading, and review your heart out.

Disclaimer: Digimon is the property of Toei and Fox.  
Warning: R--Not one for the children.   
Starrier

I guess--if you wanted--you could call me a slut. There have been a lot of guys. More than anyone needs to know about. Especially Takuya. He'd just die, considering my ways are entirely his fault. In the Digital World, he opened me up so completely. My first friend. My first little kid crush. Before Takuya and the Digital World, I hated being touched. Just the thought of it made me uncomfortable. After Takuya, I couldn't stand not to be held. If a guy was cute and close by, I'd be his no questions asked.

There was a single exception, of course, but I distracted myself from him easily enough.

"Senji, I can't breathe," I gasped, pushing him away.

"Sorry, I just got-"

"I know," I said.

He traced my lips with his index finger, "You're so--"

"Ssh. Tommy might catch us," I said. If Tommy found out I was messing around with his brother, they'd never find my body. He was protective with a capitol P, but not of Senji, or me for that matter. No, Tommy was protective of Takuya. It's no secret Takuya likes me. Honestly, does Takuya look at all capable of keeping secrets? And Tommy became his personal cheerleader on his mission to snag me for his own. So you can imagine how pissed Tommy would be to find me with the brother he hated, instead of Takuya, the brother he'd always wanted.

"Screw Tommy," Senji breathed into my mouth.

"No, screw me," I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him back down into the sheets.

Senji and I had met at Tommy's birthday party…which was still going on downstairs. I didn't know anything about him, except what Tommy had mentioned in the Digital World. But whether or not he was a jerk to his little brother didn't really matter to me as long as his hands were on my body.

I bit down hard on my bottom lip, but it didn't prevent a whimper of pleasure from escaping my mouth once he was inside me. "Fast," I ordered.

"Ssh. Tommy will catch us," he teased me. Then his expression changed and we were off. The bed made too much noise, so we did it on the floor. We both fought back our need to moan and shout and pound the ground with our fists.

"That was incredible," Senji said after, between kisses, "So do we get to do this again sometime?"

"What do you think?" I ruffled his hair and started looking for my clothes.

"I figured. So I guess it doesn't matter that I like you."

"No, I like someone else."

"So why aren't you with him? You can have anyone."

I held a finger to his lips. "Shut up," I whispered, "I'm going downstairs." He'd been fun, but I was glad to escape all the same. He pulled me onto his lap for one last kiss.

"Bye," he said.

I closed the door behind me and hesitated in the hallway. What was I going to say when I walked down the stairs? Senji and I had left Tommy's party without explanation. We'd slipped away while they were singing Happy Birthday. If I was lucky, I could slip right back into the party again without anyone noticing.

"What're you thinking about?"

I jumped out of my skin at the sound of Takuya's voice. I hadn't noticed him sitting at the end of the hallway.

"What are you doing up here?" I asked.

"I would ask you the same thing, but I already overheard."

"So you decided to stalk me and listen while I had sex? Well, I've heard of weirder ways to get your kicks."

"You're being mean today," Takuya grinned and patted the sofa next to him. I sat. "So you banged Tommy's big brother?" he said.

"Yeah."

"And I'm still not allowed to even hug you?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

I sighed dramatically and sunk into the sofa. "I've told you so many times, and you never listen."

"Maybe today will be your lucky day."

"Fine," I said. My heart was going a mile a minute from being so close to him. Truthfully--I've wanted Takuya since I was eleven. But I'm scared to death of having a relationship with him. "I don't want to do anything…physical with you because you wouldn't like being just another one of the guys I've done. I'm not romantic. It wouldn't be special. I'd just kiss you and let you fuck me and it'd be over. That's not what you want. Does that make any sense?"

"No," he grinned like an idiot, and I couldn't help but smile. "Look," he said, "there are two halves in a relationship. When you and Senji kissed the first time, he didn't know anything about you. All he knew was the lust he felt for you. That's the way it's been for all the guys you've been with. I'm different though."

"Takuya--" I'd heard this particular song before.

"Listen. If I kiss you, Kouji, I won't just kiss with lust. I want you to know every emotion I feel for you through my lips. I want you to taste every night in the Digital World that I held you and every second of each year since that I've been thinking about you. I want you to feel how much it hurts when I see you with other guys, when I'm willing to cut my hand off just to see you smile." "I'm not so sure that would make me smile," I managed to laugh passed the tingles running through me.

"Well, it's worth a try," somehow, his hands found mine. And, somehow, I didn't push him away.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Making you blush."

In retaliation, I kissed him. I wanted to show him what I meant: that there was nothing special, nothing different between him and the next boy in line. He was wrong about me, totally wrong. But the plan backfired. There was something there. He was gentle, and his lips smiled against mine. His bangs tickled my forehead. He laughed smugly, and I pressed our lips together again, still hungry.

He was a thousand percent right about me, about himself, about us. And as we kissed, it felt more than right. It felt perfect. I never wanted to stop kissing him.

One of his hands untangled from mine, and slid to my neck. Before I could blink, he was frenching me. And just as suddenly, I wasn't feeling so good. If Takuya was so special, shouldn't we slow down? My one shot romances were for the guys I didn't care about. Unless this was all Takuya wanted.

I pulled away, and Takuya groaned with disappointment.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It's stupid," I said. I was mad at myself for over calculating, but I couldn't bring myself to kiss him again. If messing around with me was all he really wanted….No, I was thinking too hard. Takuya was miles apart from the other guys. Right?

"Tell me."

"No." I got up from the couch, ready to make my escape. 

He sighed, but I guess he was used to the silent treatment after the Digital World, "Okay. Will you call me tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever and talk to me?"

I barely nodded yes, wrapped in my own fears.

"Promise?"

"Yes," I murmured.

"Good." He hugged me tight, and the shock almost killed me, "I love you."

"Really?"

"Since I was eleven. Now get out of here so I can weep," he teased.

And so Takuya sent me home: laughing and scared.


	3. Veux 3

Summary: Takuya waits for Kouji's call.

A/N: Back again with chapter 3, sweet peas. And I changed the title! It's a little better, but still no good. We're riding along with Takuya this time around, and I promise it'll be a fun ride. I forgot to mention this earlier I guess, but Kouji and Takuya are 18ish. Somebody thought they were still 12. Wow.

Thanks for the reviews, guys. You're awesome.

Disclaimer: Digimon is the property of Toei and Fox.  
Warning: R-- not for the little ones or the faint of heart. If you've read anything else I've written, this should be well established.

If you're lucky enough to have met the person of your dreams, remember that first kiss. Awkward maybe, but powerful enough to shake you to you core. I wasn't like Kouji, I'd never kissed anyone. It's the best feeling in the world, next to finding loose money in the pocket of your pants and digivolving. Every point of contact between us felt on fire and stopping was the last thing on my mind. His skin, lips, breath, and voice drove me nuts. Now that I'd done it once, you could bet I'd do it again and again and again.

But then I found myself kissing air, and he wouldn't tell me why he'd stopped. I briefly wondered if I was such a bad kisser he couldn't stand me, but he'd certainly felt in to it. He promised to call me before he left, but who knew with Kouji? Rabid animals are more predictable than him.

Then it hit me.

I'd kissed Kouji. I'd frenched Kouji. And best of all, he'd kissed back.

Damn, life was good.

I didn't walk home. I floated home. I floated all the way to my spider-infested shower. And I'm sure you can imagine what I did there for the next twenty minutes. In my fantasies I ground against Kouji in the hallway leading to my bedroom. I seared him with kisses while he begged me for more. I pinned him against my bedroom door and squeezed his ass hard enough to bruise. He breathed my name into my lips. He told me there wouldn't be other guys.

Yeah, right. Taking Kouji from his dating pool was like pulling a fish from the water or J.P. from McDonalds. How could he survive? I was still a virgin, while Kouji was as far from virginal as you could get. He knew how to get screwed, but I didn't know the first thing about screwing. 

I finished my shower and fought the spiders for a towel. Then began the task of wading through all the debris of my room to get to my bed--a lesser man would've drown in the clutter. Kouji hated my messiness as much as I hated his stark order. I fell on my bed like a rock. Would he call like he promised? Did he love me? Maybe. Probably not. This was Kouji and no one knew what spun and churned behind his eyes. I could only want and hope that somewhere amidst his formulas for sex, boys, and more sex was an once of love for me.

Did his heart kick when I came near? Mine danced a fandango at the sight of him

"You make it hard to be best friends," Kouji had told me once, after I attempted to hold his hand while we watched a movie, "You're the only person I can be myself with, but not if you're drooling down my neck."

"I think you like it," I said--a ballzy statement from a guy that just got rejected by a man-whore.

But Kouji had turned a suspicious shade of red and muttered, "Just 'cause I like it doesn't mean you should."

I've put in hours analyzing that sentence, I'm sure you can imagine. Did he want me? Or did he see me as a brother and was grossed out at my actions. A little of both? Neither? As I laid in bed, I still came up short of a concrete answer. Kiss or no, French or no, he'd still hesitated, stopped, and called it off. The cards hadn't fallen in my favor.

My cell phone rang, vibrating straight off the bedside table and into the sea of clutter beneath. I dove after it, grabbing it from in between my muddy soccer uniform and a calligraphy book. "Kouji?" I said, too loud into the phone, afraid I was too late.

"Hey, T," Quiet and composed as always, Kouji's voice made me dizzy. I fell back onto the bed.

"What's going on? You okay?"

He laughed, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just figured…you know, today."

"Oh. Today."

"Yeah," I didn't at all like the way that sounded.

"I don't really know what to say. I mean, I like you. But you knew that."

"No, I didn't," I breathed.

"Of course I like you, Takuya. You think I make out with just anybody?"

"Yes," I admitted, knowing that it hurt him and saying it anyway.

"Well I don't. I want you."

A calm had settled over me--it allowed me to continue digging deeper at Kouji's issues without letting that particular comment drive me up and down the wall, "Than why don't you take me? Why did you push me away today? Why are you on the phone and not over here, doing what you do best?"

"Because I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid you only want me for sex."

"I don't. That's the part about you I hate most."

There was a pause so long that I resisted the urge to ask if he was still there. I was amazed at his openness with me, even more amazed that he wasn't letting my cuts about his lifestyle stop him from telling me what he really wanted.

"Takky?" he asked, his voice suddenly small.

"Yeah?"

"If I say I'll date you, can we take it slow?"

"Date me? Like--"

"Oh. You don't want to--"

"No. Kouji I--"

"I figured it was just--"

"Kouji, no. I want to date you. We'll take it slow. We'll take it as slow as you want."

"Really?"

As we said our sweet goodnights my happiness was interrupted by my own skepticism. Old habits die hard. Especially when those habits are sex-driven high school guys. But who was I to judge? 


	4. Veux 4

Summary: The boys' first date. Kouji's pov 

A/N: Why hello. Chapter 4 of the much loved "Veux" is here! Fanfiction is a guilty pleasure of mine. So in the midst of my busy summer I decided to take a break and give you all some more hot stuff.

I'd like to take the time to address the questions some of you asked in your reviews: 1) Again, Kouji and Takuya are 18ish, not 12. I can't say that enough.  
2) Yes, "Veux" is French for "Want." I'm horrible at titles, so it's the best I could do. 3) Don't be upset that Kouji's a whore--embrace the whore within you and love him for carrying out the inner desires we all have! Ha, just kidding. Think whatever you please. I'll love you for reading no matter what.  
4)Again, thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: Digimon is the property of Toei and Fox.

Warning: R--Reading through my notebooks, I recently came to the conclusion that all my work is too carnal, sensualized, and vulgar. Bet that makes you want to read my notebooks, eh?

Veux Chapter 4

My first date with Takuya--my first date, period--was horrific.

Horrific.

Just setting it up was a nightmare. Our phone conversation full of "Um"s and "I mean"s and "Well"s. How many times had we talked on the phone? Suddenly it was like brain surgery to even eek out a sentence. We were tiptoeing. Each of us afraid to set off the fears and doubts in the other. Scared to death to actually do what both of us had always wanted. Date.

I wouldn't have gone through the trouble, but that one kiss we shared was more than fan-fucking-tastic--it was electric. It had seared itself into my mind and I couldn't get it out. Takuya wanted me more than anyone, his kiss told me that. He wanted me in ways I'd never considered. In ways that no one ever thought of.

So with that amazing kiss on my mind, I walked to his house Friday night. I snuck inside without him noticing. In the living room, he watched a dubbed, abused copy of the Simpsons. Stretched out and propped up on his elbows, Takuya shifted uncomfortably on the hardwood floor. He was home alone, wearing jeans that made me drool, laughing the laugh that drove me crazy. I stepped into the living room, turning off the lights out of habit, and, in one of the most spontaneous acts of my life, pulling the hair band out of my ponytail.

He flipped onto his stomach to see what had happened, and when he saw me in the glow of the TV his laugh disappeared.

"Fuck," he breathed. And I was already straddling him. We kissed and the same feeling rushed through me. It was fire. I was melting.

Whatever Takuya had actually planned for our date was flushed down the toilet. His hands barely left my hair as we made out. Stroking and petting and tugging it the way two dozen other guys had begged me to do. But I'd been saving it for him. I know, it's stupid. But that's what I'd done.

"No one's ever seen me like this, Takky," I said.

"Good. Because it's disgusting how hot you are right now," he said. He sat up and held my head still while he frenched me deeply, and I couldn't help but moan. I normally didn't make noise at all, but Takuya brought out very strange things in me. I started to grind against his hard-on, my hair curtaining the two of us as we kissed. It was far from sex, but he begged for mercy. I'd forgotten he hadn't ever done…well, anything before. But that wasn't going to stop us.

"Come on," I said, pulling him down the hall towards his room. But we didn't get halfway there before we were making out again. Pinned against the wall and his body, I whispered, "Takuya," into his lips.

"What is it, babe?" He slid his hands from my hair, down my back, underneath my jeans, and onto my ass. Then he squeezed, and I gasped. He was strong. I was dizzy. We were completely out of control.

"I want you," I whispered, prying one of his hands from my ass. I sucked his index and middle finger into my mouth, torturing them with my tongue, staring at Takuya the whole time. He stared right back, his eyes wide, mouth in a shocked little "o."

"Do you like that?" I asked.

He managed to nod, dumbly. I laughed and leaned in to trace his bottom lip with my tongue, my hands snaking down to unbutton his jeans. I pushed him against the other side of the hallway and sank down onto my knees.

I know, all of this after I said that our date was horrific. Well, the trouble started in that hallway, on my knees, when I was about to blow him. He said no.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't," he said.

"I thought you wanted me," I said, looking up at him, confused.

"I do, but--"

"But?" I'd never been told to stop before. I felt embarrassed and pathetic.

"But you said you wanted to take things slow, Kouji. You said you were afraid I only wanted you for sex."

And now, on top of feeling embarrassed and pathetic, I felt like a whore. "You're right," I said, standing up, "I'm completely wrong. And I just ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin anything," Takky said, running his hand through my hair.

"Don't," I moved out of his reach. My fucking hair. I started to tie it back again.

"Don't," Takuya echoed me, pulling my hands away, "Kouji, it's fine. I love you. I want to have sex with you, but not until I know you understand how much I care about you, okay? This was all just the two of us being crazy. We both know better, but I turned into a total idiot at the sight of you. And your old habits just kicked in"  
I let him pull me close and play with my hair. But something was bugging me, "My old habits? You think I'm a slut, don't you?"

"I think you had too much sex with too many guys. If that makes you a slut, then yes you were a slut."

I stared at him for a very long time, speechless. I finally managed to say, "Why are you dating me, then?"

"Because I love you. By the time we were twelve we'd been through more together than any married couple in the world--we've even digivolved into a single being and shared existence. No one can beat that. But something happened between the Digital World, when you would barely let me touch you, until now. What was it?"

"You. I've been in love with you and scared to death of you since the day I met you. We got back from the digital world and you stopped holding me. You didn't touch me for years. So I found someone else, and that someone else became ten more someone elses, because I didn't think you liked me anymore. And now you think I'm a slut."

"That you _were_ a slut. You're with me now."

"And after tonight, you think being with you makes me different? Only now we can't even be friends because we both know that underneath the conversation and jokes we just want to have sex," I was confused and pissed off. I needed Takky. I always had. But between deep throating me, telling me no, calling me a slut, and saying he loved me, I had no idea what was going to happen to us.

"Kouji," he said, drawing me close. He kissed me and I felt that same fire burning against my lips. He stroked my hair, and I understood his argument. I understood everything. He was perfect and honest and pure, and I was tainted. He'd saved everything for me, and I'd even let my hair go to waste. Without another word, I escaped his grasp and left the house, tying back my hair as I made my way toward the street. We couldn't make this work. We couldn't even try.

I walked home, leaving behind the love of my life.

More to come! Review!


	5. Veux 5

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING AUTHOR'S NOTES  
A/N: Well kids, I'm afraid there's a bit of seriousness in this set of author's notes. This summer has been really eventful--I graduated high school, participated in the 48 movie project as a screenwriter, I went to Warped Tour and saw My Chemical Romance (and damn Gerard is hot in person)…and I was raped by my boyfriend. I only mention this extremely upsetting matter because I want you to know what an important role you all have played in my life and my healing since then. Thank you so much for your comments. Positive or negative, it means so much to me that you've taken time to let me know that you're reading and you care. I don't write a lot of fan fiction (obviously), I use it as a vacation from more serious non-fiction and original fiction work. But after the emotional trauma of being raped, my more developed and serious writing has been paralyzed leaving me with only a few outlets for my creative energy--fan fiction, journal entries, and outlines are all I've been able to do. So I hope that by writing as much as I can in the areas where I'm capable will lead me back on my path to larger scale works. Until then, the support, encouragement, respect, and suggestions you continue to give to my fan fiction mean more to me than words will ever describe. You let me know that even though he's stolen so much from me, no one can ever take my ability to write--the most cherished ability I have. You let me know that amidst all the sadness in my life, I can still write one hell of a hot, gay story.

Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my soul. Without knowing it, you've brought light, happiness, and confidence back in to my life. Now with that horridness aside, it's time for you to get back to Veux. Enjoy, my friends.

Veux 5

"Morning, Sweetheart."

A week after Kouji and I had our disastrous "date," I woke up to his gorgeous face hovering above me. My breath caught in my throat. "Kouji?" I asked, in total shock.

He smiled, "No such luck."

Confused, I rubbed my eyes awake and squinted hard at him. "Oh. Kouichi."

"Don't sound so disappointed."

"Who let you in?"

"I stole Kouji's key," he said, uninterested.

This was all too much for my morning brain to comprehend. I buried my face in my pillow, hoping that he would just go away if I ignored him long enough. It worked on my little brother all the time. But the pressure at the end of my bed didn't disappear, and I flipped over to face him, exasperated. "What are you doing here?"

"Rawr. You should be nicer to your boyfriend's brother. I have a lot of influence."

Oh, shit no. I sat up. He raised his eyebrows, anticipating my outburst. "Is THAT what you're here to talk about? Him?" I said.

"I'm afraid so."

"I don't want to talk about it," I sank back down into bed, turning away from him.

"I'm sure you don't," He agreed.

"I love him," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Hm?"

"I said I love him."

"Yes, you certainly do."

You may have noticed I'm slightly irritable in the morning. I'd barely slept in the week since Kouji walked out on me, which didn't help my mood at all. "How would you know?" I said, half-heartedly trying to pick a fight.

He laughed at me. "'Cause it's been pathetically obvious since ninth grade. Besides, if I didn't think you loved Kouji I would've come in here and kicked your sad ass for calling him a slut."

"Yeah," I said, "That wasn't one of my better ideas."

"Why'd you do it?"

I groaned, getting out of bed and searching around the room for cleaner clothes than the ones I'd finally fallen asleep in early that morning. I had to keep occupied since there was no way in all hell I'd make eye contact with Kouichi during this particular conversation. "It seems like Kouji never stops sleeping with guys. I mean, I saw him with eight different guys just last month--"

"It was fifteen, actually, last month," Kouichi interrupted, "But it was a good month for him."

I cringed. "And I think about Kouji just going from one to the next, never stopping and…"

"He's stopped."

"Has he?"

"Of course he has. You should see him. He's more of a wreck than you are…and bitchier."

I smiled. If Kouji was sad too than maybe we could make us work. I just knew we could make it work. Brightened by the news, I tried to put things in perspective, "I mean, I guess I can understand why he has so much sex," I said, taking off my shirt in favor of a slightly less smelly one, "Maybe I'd do the same thing if I were as hot as him."

"Oh, believe me, you are," Kouichi said.

"Well thanks, but--" I turned quickly, realizing just what had been said. Kouichi was biting his bottom lip as he studied me. "Hey," I snapped my fingers and he broke out of his trance. I donned a shirt as fast as I could, feeling my cheeks burn.

He smiled, "Sorry. It's the soccer body. What were we talking about?"

"I..I forget," I said, frozen in place by a sudden, horrible idea. How easy would it be to date anyone besides Kouji? I'd noticed guys looking at me before, I just hadn't bothered with them in the face of Kouji. And Kouichi would be so ideal--identical to Kouji except the absence of the infamous ponytail and the equally infamous sex life.

But no, I wouldn't leave Kouji at all. For anyone. Ever. No matter how complicated our relationship became. Because without Kouji it wouldn't be love. It would be the kind of pointless encounter Kouji practiced for all those years on the run from his feelings for me.

"Well?" Kouichi asked, taking his turn to snap me back into reality, "What's your move?"

"I have to make him understand how much I love him," I said, sitting on the bed beside Kouichi. My path was clear, "I'm going to have sex with him. And it's going to blow his mind."

"Wow," he said, "Not only is that too much information, but how will that solve anything?"

"We both want to, why kill ourselves by putting it off? Plus, once we get it over with, it'll obvious I'm going to stick around and still be his boyfriend. He's never had that before."

Kouichi thought this over with a frown on his face. "I guess it'll work--"

"It's going to work," I interrupted him, "I'm going to make this work."

"And how are you going to have sex with him if he won't even talk to you?" Kouichi pointed out.

I collapsed back onto the bed, "Damnit," I'd forgotten that bit.

"Well…" Kouichi began.

"You have a plan?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah," he smiled, "I've got a plan."

--

If you skipped the Author's Notes go back and read them! Now! Oh God I can't wait to write the next chapter. You have NO idea. Readers in the first four rows beware: you WILL get wet! 


	6. Veux 6

A/N: You crazy kids. Shame on you for making me cry with all your incredible support. You are ridiculously kind-hearted. Now that it's been two months since, I'm doing much better. I only have my big breakdown about once a week. I've got some support groups working for me and a lot of amazing people (like you all!) helping me up when I hit rough patches. And I had some incredible sex with a damn sexy boy that I (gasp) actually wanted, so that certainly helped me heal. Oh god, it was good. Give me a few minutes, I need to think about it. Mmm.

Anyway, because I love you all, I'm giving you my xanga and LJ names (in my profile!). So if you have either, don't be shy! Friend me! Subscribe to me! Whatever. You have NO idea what kind of crap has been happening to me lately, and I'm afraid there just isn't enough room to write it all here. Personally, I recommend the xanga. My LJ is practically dead.

As long as we're on the subject of my other sites, I changed my homepage to my current project. So bookmark it now for some "real" writing of mine. Sorry about the other homepage--that old site has been dead for a few years.

Thanks again for all your lovin, my darlings. Enjoy this hot piece of filth.

Warnings: R! HOT. HOTT. HAWT. DAMN!

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I know you wish I did, but I just don't.

--

Veux 6

--Kouji

I'm willing to admit that I've had a lot of sex in my life.

Okay, stop laughing or I won't finish.

I've had sex every day of the week, every time of day, every way, every place, and with everyone. The only thing I haven't done, ever, is love. Have guys fallen in love with me? Of course. But me? In love? You'd be more likely to catch Zoe popping anti-depressants.

But Takuya, that bastard, turned my world upside down.

So now you understand why I was in the shower, going down on some guy I'd met on the internet. I was hiding. Lying in bed like I had all week, pouting, screening his calls, and bitching at Kouichi--that wasn't hiding. That was acknowledging my worst fears. That was admitting defeat.

You see? It makes perfect sense that I'd be with boy #138 instead of Takky. I was trying to forget how much I loved him.

#138 was having the time of his life. He snapped my hair band in two, letting the wet curtain of it fell onto my shoulders. Out of breath, I looked up at him--my first instinct to attack.

"Wow," he said, running his hands through my hair.

"Just shut up," I told him, but I didn't move to restrain his hands. I didn't even grab up my hair in one hand and go searching for another band. Don't think I haven't ditched a boy before that way. Those days are over, though.

It's depressing, but really--what's the point? Saving my hair for Takky was just as ridiculous as thinking we could be together.

The boy pulled me up and kissed me roughly and briefly, kissing was not what's on his mind. He picked me up, my legs on either side of him, and fingered me while I struggled happily.

I know you're not happy with me right now. I know you want me to be running into Takuya's open arms and renouncing my evil ways. But I can't. Because I love him. Because I'll hurt him. Because he'll hurt me.

Because I'm scared.

Things got hot and heavy in the shower to the point of me moaning. And it was only when I decided to moan his name when I realized I didn't remember it.

His face was buried on my shoulder, so I closed my eyes and mouthed the only name I cared about. Takky. I know, I know. I just finished telling you how scared I was of him, of me, of us.

That doesn't change how hot that grinning bastard makes me.

With boy #138 replaced by Takuya, I got considerably louder. It wasn't until I started praising God that he noticed the change.

"So you're happy too, eh?" he laughed. Lifting his head from the hickey farm he'd left on my neck.

My vision of Takuya disturbed, I covered #138's face with my hand and kept groaning. I could imagine Takuya's wet hair, his eyes, his face, his body, his hands, his lips. And that voice saying some stupid line like "I love you, Kouji," or--

"What the hell are you doing?"

#138 was so startled by Takuya's voice, shouting over the noise of the shower, that he dropped me. I hit the shower floor with twenty cuss words.

"Get out," Takuya ordered the boy with a frightening casual voice. #138 scampered away. I caught a glimpse of Kouichi shaking his fist at me from the hallway before Takuya slammed the bathroom door.

The next three minutes felt like ten years. The silence we sustained was excruciating. I knew I'd ruined everything. I knew he hated me: his eyes burned with it. I knew he was working up his goodbye speech. His you're-a-piece-of-shit speech. I could've been mad at him--we weren't together, after all. But we both knew how much I loved him, so any bad thing he had to say about me would be true.

When he did move I jumped--expecting a screaming tantrum. Instead he reached into the shower and shut off the water, and extended his hand to help me up.

I hesitated, stumbling into an apology, "Takuya, I'm--"

"Shut up."

Ouch.

I ignored his hand and stepped out of the shower. Defiant as I was, I didn't particularly want to be naked for his farewell address, so I reached passed him to grab a towel. He caught my hand in his and pulled me against him, delivering the most searing, most breath-taking, most toe-curling kiss I've ever had the pleasure of living through.

You can imagine my confusion.

"Aren't you going to yell at me?" I asked, once we broke off.

"Yeah," he said, "I am."

"Do you hate me?"

He ran a finger down my spine and laughed when I shivered, "Pretty much." But his eyes told me a different story. And when he kissed me again, damn, it didn't feel like there was any hate in his body. When we broke off I was dizzy, and not from the lack of air. Then Takuya said, "Before I kill you though, I'm going to have sex with you."

"You're what?"

"Well I'm guessing it's okay with you. It seems like you aren't too picky these days."

I opened my mouth to argue, but stopped myself. He was right. Not about my pickiness (well, maybe he was right about that too), but about us. This was the answer. But I wasn't going down without a fight. "You'll be horrible," I said, following him across the hallway to my room, "Your first time always sucks."

"Last time I checked, I'm naturally good at everything," he said, locking the door.

"Well your little ego is about to get popped." I slid his shirt off over his head. we rested our foreheads against each other and watched my hands fight the button and zipper of his pants. Then we were kissing, then we were frenching, then we were grinding, then--

Oh God, was I wrong.

He pulled sounds out of me that I'd never made before. That I didn't know I could make. Even the bed was begging for mercy. We spent six hours having sex before either of us thought to take a break.

Lying next to each other, sweaty and exhausted, Takuya said, "Well? What do you have to say?"

"You were completely right."

He laughed, "Duh. But the answer I was looking for 'Thanks for the ride, Takuya, now I'll never want anyone else again."

"I've never wanted anyone else," I said, and found myself accepting Takky's kisses. "Oh," I said, between them, "And thanks for the ride.

---

Noticing some loose ends? That's because there's still one chapter left! Veux 7 is coming soon.

I love you all. Thanks for being my little hentai angels.

Mwah,

Llyn.


	7. Veux 7

A/N: Chapter 7 is honestly, more of an epilogue. I'm afraid it's short and sweet. But you love it anyway. And Veux did need one last shot of raunch.

I want to apologize for the shortness of the chapters. Writing is still pretty difficult for me (as mentioned in chapter 5's author notes) but I'm working on it. I love you all so much for your support.

So how about you all add me on myspace! (and of course I'll add you back) Author-to-author love! Will it entice you to add me if I tell you I have very pretty male friends? Oh yes, indeed. They kiss each other...

What? I've got to get my inspiration from somewhere. There's a link in my profile. Do it.

Thanks for all the comments and love. Trust me, when you're raped and then have a hurricane devastated your city within 3 months of each other, you need all the help you can get. I really appreciate you all.

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't make any money off it.

Ratings: R! When it comes to ratings, R is the only letter I know.

Veux 7

--Takuya

Wednesdays are No Sex days. It sure as hell wasn't my idea, but I'm resigned to the fact. No sex on Wednesdays. Kouji wanted one day a week where we could be regular friends again, "without any pressure to have sex" he'd said. I guess it was a pretty good idea. Considering Kouji's history and the fact that I'd called him a slut and all, the amount of sex we had probably got to him every now and then.

To his surprise, and no one else's, Kouji and I made a great couple. Of course I wasn't using him for sex. Of course I was madly in love with him. We were balanced. We were in harmony. We were too sickeningly involved for our other friends to be around without lots of eye-rolling--a sign of a good relationship if there ever was one. So, like any two members of a good relationship, we both made some compromises. For him, no more boys. For me, no more sex...on Wednesdays.

Sure. No Sex Wednesdays was a great theory. Healthy for Kouji's mind. Healthy for both our bodies. Healthy all around. What's one day when you've got six others?

Unfortunately, out of all the No Sex Wednesdays we'd shared in our time together, every last one of them was a complete and utter failure.

Oh, we tried. Each Wednesday we'd steadfastly go out to a movie, or hang out with our friends, or walk around downtown. We avoided our bedrooms, public bathrooms, private bathrooms, clubs, alleys, our friends' bedrooms, our parents' bedrooms, closets, kitchen tables, laundry rooms, every tempting place we could think of. Desperate to act like straight up pals, or at least like a normal couple, we wouldn't make out at parties--even though we were dying to. We wouldn't hold hands when we walked together--even though it felt against nature itself. He wouldn't even go down on me during the movies (I know, it's heartbreaking). We'd barely touch at all, so scared of triggering ourselves or each other.

Well, when you keep two crazy kids like us bottled up like that, there's only one word for what happens when the movie ends and the friends go home.

Explosion.

By 10:00p.m. on any given No Sex Wednesday, we'd be kissing like it was going out of style. By 10:01p.m. his fingers would fish out a condom from my back pocket. By 10:02 we'd be naked. Then, between 10:03 and the time when we finally collapsed from exhaustion, I'd be the happiest guy on the planet.

I kind of like No Sex Wednesdays.

We'd given up for the night last Wednesday when Kouji said, "Fuck."

"Again?" I asked. We were all snuggled up and drifting in and out of sleep, so this caught me by surprise.

He smiled lazily, "No. It's just that we ruined another No Sex Wednesday."

"Yeah," I said, idly tracing his lips with my finger, "Four times over." Kouji laughed when my finger brushed the ticklish corner of his mouth. He snatched my hand away so I kissed him instead.

He was mine. And the very idea of it made me want to roll around on the floor and giggle like a school girl. Six feet of lean, pale skin. Two huge, sexy eyes. That same lone-wolf attitude I'd loved since we were twelve. And all the black hair I could ever want to drown in. Finally. He. Was. Mine.

"Takuya," he said, " I really love you."

"I bet you told all the guys that," I said, even though my heart was threatening to push its way up my esophagus and out of my mouth.

Kouji ruffled my hair with a smile, "Only when I was pretending they were you."

"Bastard," I whispered, and kissed his dangerous smile.

"Kiss me again," his eyes didn't leave mine. They hadn't for hours. But I'm the same way. It's obscene the way we stare into each other. When his lips are barely parted like that I just want to crawl in his mouth and take him from the inside out. That's reasonable, right?

"I love you, too," I said.

Like a good boy, I did as I was told. My lips and his lips. I've waited years to add us together. Without a thought, my hands pulled him tight to me--that thin body leaving no empty spaces between us. None at all.

--

fini. I hope you loved all of Veux. Please add me (my username is maybeicarus) especially if you like my writing. Comment! Add! Love! Thanks!


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